Battle To My Beloved...

If it Means A Lot To you.

2010-06-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hey Darling,

I Hope Your Good Tonight.

and I know you Don't Feel Right When I'm Leaving.

Yeah I want it, but No I don't Need it.

Tell Me Something Sweet To Get me By...

Cause I can't Come back Home Till They're Singing La, La,La, La, La,La,La.

Till Everyone is Singing.

If You Can Wait Till I Get Home.

Then I Swear to You That We can Make this Last La, La.

If You Can Wait till I get Home.

Then I'll Swear Come Tomorrow This will All be In Our Past.

Well It might be For The best.

And Hey Sweetie,

Well I Need You Here Tonight.

And I know that You don't Wanna be Leaving Me.

Yeah, You Want it, but I Can't Help it.

I just Feel Complete When your By my Side.

But I know You Can't Come Home Till They're singing La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Till Everyone Is Singing la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

If You Can Wait till I get home.

Then I swear to You That We Can Make this Last...la, la.

If You can Wait till I get Home.

Then I Swear Come Tomorrow This will All Be in Our Past.

Well It might be for The Best.

You Know You Can't Give Me What I need.

And Even Though You Mean So Much To Me, I can't Wait through Everything.

Is this Really Happening?

I Swear I'll Never Be Happy Again.

She Tells Me We can Just be Friends.

I'm Not Some Boy That you Can sway.

We Knew it'd Happen Eventually.

La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

Everybody's singing.

It sucks when all of a sudden you hit a brick wall.

and Your Past just Comes and Latches itself onto you

Like You Never Got over it In The First Place.

And There are new tears and new regrets with old faces

and old situations.

When in reality They are All the Same tears and Same regrets

You thought You Let go Already.

One Song. One Face. One Thing.

And You have back tracked years and you

are on your knees and it still hurts.

But the Only new thing is... is that you have to Find a

new Way to Deal with It.

Because before you Dealt with Blood and Now You have To

Find out exactly Where it can Lead you To Now and

Who can You Turn to Now?

The Same Responses, the same throw away answers

that leave you with "I'll pray for you".

Pray With Me.

Help Me.

This is a bad time and place to be dealing with old issues.

I know.

But Who knew after Years of Forgiveness You can Snatch

all that back and Run millions of miles away before

you even Realized you did so?

I didn't but I did exactly that.

This needs to end here and now.

2010-06-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

I Love The Rain.. but I Hate Thunder.

Let Me Tell you Why::

I lived in Kentucky from the time I was an infant

until I was 8ish.

In Kentucky they have frequent tornadoes.

As soon as a storm started I would run into our basement

and grab every animal and continue to beg my family

to follow me into safety while I cried like a baby.

I was always afraid of them even before I seen the

movie Twister. Which only caused my fear to grow.

If You've ever seen it you'll most likely remember the scene

where all the people are at the drive through and a tornado comes.

This exact scene happened to me when I was 7ish. My parents loved to take us to

the drive through, and when The Titanic came out don't think it

changed. Were at the end of the movie where the boat starts to finally sink and all

these poor people are dying and all of a sudden you hear

the sirens and the people at the drive through are over the

radio telling everyone they need to leave ASAP because a tornado

is headed out way. As soon as I heard that I start rushing my family to get into the car

and to drive in the opposite direction of this thing. I'm crying and my dad

is saying oh stop we're ganna be fine and finally we leave and I cry all the way home.

Believe it or not to this day when I hear thunder my heart starts beating super fast

and my breathing speeds up and I pretty much almost become a child agian.

On Monday while it stormed I was at parents house and my 4 year old sister Krista

says she'll keep me safe and she cuddles up next to me with a blanket.

I felt pretty Foolish.

I wonder what this baby that's growing inside of me thinks when my heart

races and I am having a hard time breathing. He/She probably thinks

they Have a Crazy Momma.

Just felt like sharing this with you, for no particular reason.

2010-05-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

Grace::By Phil Wickham

The Sky is Gray and The Light is Far,

The Sea is A Rage Within My Heart.

I Turn My Sight To the Crashing Waves.

I Cry in the Night Just To Be Saved.

I Need Eyes To Be My Guide.

I Need A Voice that's Louder than Mine.

I Need Hope, I Need You.

Cause I can't Do this Alone.

Grace I call Your Name,

Oh Won't Your Smile Fall Down on Me.

I'm Cracked and Dry on Hands and Knees,

Oh Sweet Grace Rain Down on Me.

I Need Your Grace.

I Pray For Dawn A New Day To Live.

I Pray for Mercy Only Jesus Gives.

Though Darkness Falls and a Million Cry,

I Believe Overall There's A Greater Light

Shining For Us.

2010-05-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've Never Been Good At Keep One of These...

Alright, So Here's What's New::

As of This Moment

I am 12Weeks4Days Pregnant.

I am puking, sore, peeing every hour

and am continually getting headaches.

-As soon as I found out I scheduled an appointment

for when I was almost 6 weeks and the day I went in

I found out that I couldn't even be seen because the

government put an end to my insurance.

-Then I sent them a blood test saying I was pregnant

and they gave me full coverage.

-So at 7 Weeks I finally got into the doctors

where they took a lot of blood and checked

my legs and ankles for swelling.

and giving my insurance decided to have the baby

at Wyandotte Hospital and to have a ob appointment

with a doctor from there.

The day of that appointment my doctor's office

calls me and tells me the government has changed my

type of insurance again and I have to go to a different

hospital (South Shore Hospital) and a different ob.

-The new ob cannot get me in until May 26th.

AWESOME.

By Then I'll be 13Weeks3Days pregnant and it will be

the last week of my first trimester.

Not exactly how I wanted to spend the

first 3 weeks of pregnancy.

So I think I have gotten like 5 books on pregnancy

so I can simply get my questions answered.

Pheewwww.

Run.

2010-01-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

I Just Don't Know.

My Mind is Everywhere.

I Always find myself Running Away.

From Everything...

Problems, People, Hope, God.

And it always leaves me....

Here.

I Just want to help people.

that's it.

To Help.

I Just Want To Help Myself..

But everyone Always throws me around.

it seems impossible.

No one takes the time.

I don't take the time.

To be honest.

Would you take the time?

Probably.

because you're a "good" person right.

B.S

just saying.

I am so ready to move to Indiana.

God, Orphans, Love.

2009-12-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

As Many of you already know I have been e-mailing back and forth with a man and his wife who run an orphanage in Thailand. Mark and I are so excited for what God is going to do in us. Since We have been talking about it many of our friends have come up to us and want to join us. I am telling them to pray about because this is something you have to be ready for and something that you have to be risking it all for and willing to do all that God wants. I have recently discovered that I no longer care about the trials I am being put through or how much I am being attacked by satan because this only means that I am Following God and I will continue to do so for all of eternity. His Love is Better than Life. Than Life in all it's Joys and in life in all it's Pain. God is

to Mold into the person he needs and wants me to be to do his will for my life. And I am continuously seeking after Him to Hear Him and to Feel Him and See Him. It is so awesome to see God not Just working in Mark and Mine's Life but also In the Lives That Surround us. We are Truly Blessed by Our Maker to Be simply breathing We Are Tremendously Blessed Because we have a home, a family, and a Heart for Those who Don't.

So Here are a few videos that are So awesome..

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Isaiah's Story

Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.

Today.

2009-12-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

Today Was Very Uneventful.

Sometimes I Just Need A Day To Sit with My Family and Laugh.

Although the only People I Am laughing with are David and Danielle.

it's Still Family.

I Have Begun to Search for Places Where I can somehow help

children/babies in need.

Mostly I have found orphanages which would be awesome!

The first Orphanage I went to Thailand and it was an AIDS orphanage..

I wish we had gotten to stay longer because those babies touched my heart

like no other.

To Be Honest, I never wanted to leave.

The workers were showing mark and i rooms

that they wanted us to stay in.

I Wish i knew where and what it was called... i would go back

in a second.

I Remember meeting one little girl in particular names

Bow. She was beautiful and for some reason We bonded

automatically. I Wish i could have taken her home.

I get sad when I think about it because I wonder

if she's still here...

Well That's where my Heart is right now.

I Would get up and leave everything if God

told me he wanted me in an orphanage

in some third world country.

But For right now I just have to keep praying and seeking.

On Tuesday Muscle Mike told me that God speaks through

multiple ways but it takes us actually listening.

We can say we're waiting on the Lord all we want

but if we only wait a minute for His answer then

we're really getting no where.

All I know is God told me to "Go"

and I don't know where that is but

I know this incredible need and want I have to

take care of these children is not from me.

I Will give up everything to help them.

No Matter the cost.

So God Here I am.

Speak, For Your Child is Listening.

"I Will Not Leave You as Orphans, I Will Come To You." John 14:18

Life Groups

2009-12-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

I Am Teaching my Life Group Today and I am talking about where God is When He is silent.

I have been wanting to Use This Poem by Bradley Hathaway for A long Time and I'm So glad That I finally Get To.

So Here It Is::

Silence By Bradley Hathaway:

What's Happening Here?

I Was Once So Alive and Now...

I'm So Full of Dread and Almost Dead.

Show Me Your Wounded Head That Has Led to Communion With The Father.

But Where did He Go?

His Presence Seems Farther and Farther Away Each Day, But I'm Trying so Hard to Steer His Way.

Yet Still, Lonely and Confused on This Cold, Hard Ground I Lay.

Speak to Me Wise Mouth and Say;

"It's All Good Kid, It's Nothing That You Did,

And though it Feels Like I'm Not Here With You Right now Just Be Still and Silent and Listen for That Sound...

Shh...

Did You Hear it?

Listen Agian.

Did You Hear it?

That Silent Voice that Just Spoke Nothing, that is Me.

I'm Listening to Your Plea with Open Ears, Counting All your Tears Flowing From Your Irritated Eyes, Searching the Skies, Looking for That Hope That Beyond There Lies.

Oh You, Young Worrisome Sparrow, Find Rest!

Lay Your Battered Head Upon my Omnipresent Breast and Make It Your Nest.

No Strong, Cold Wind could Ever Blow and Carry You from This Your Home.

Look Around, See The Life Shooting Up from the Ground?

Spring Colors Springing Forth in Celebration of This, Your Trusting.

It's a Constant Process this Is.

Growing You into the Man That You Are to Become.

But when you Sense the Setting of the Sun know It is Only Rising and Has Just Begun.

Now Go Forth, Sing Songs of Faith, and Lift Up Others in the Midst of This Race.

And If You can't Keep the Pace or Lose Sight of My Face, Just Know that I Am always Near So You Need Not Fear.

But Don't Worry About All That Right Now.

Just Sit Her and Enjoy the Peace i Offer in My Silence.

When I Am Silent, I am Listening and Not Abandoning.

"So Do Not Fear, For I Am With You; Do Not Be Dismayed, For I Am Your God."

Isaiah 41:10

"God is Our Refuge and Strength, an Ever-Present Help in Trouble." Psalm 46:1

"I Will Never Fail You, I Will Never Abandon You." Hebrews 13:5

I Will Go.

2009-11-30T17:14:00.001-08:00

You are Whispering to my Heart.

It Pounds at the Familiarity of Your Voice.

It was Longed for You, Yearned for Your Presence.

And now You Are here.

I am so Overjoyed, so Overwhelmed.

I Do not know what to do.

So I Will Listen.

And to my Heart You Say...

You Must Go!!

I Will Go... Live to Feed The hungry, Stand beside the Broken... I Will Go!

To Bleed is To Bleed

2009-11-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

So These last few weeks have been filled with struggle and joy.

1. I got into a car accident.

2. We had to use the school money to buy a new car

BUT

1. There are so many others who have it worse than I do

and I am blessed to be where I am, with the people I have.

2. Adam and Katie went to Rwanda to bring home

their Beautiful, wonderful baby boys.

I am realizing my love for children.

I can't put this into words right now..

and I don't think it is the right time.

And I have recently discovered that

I am so sick of sitting here

waiting for life to just happen.

I'm going to make it happen.

Now, I am only waiting on the Lord.

Lastly... I wrote this

on November 23, 2009

I Wake up from a Night of Restlessness, my Mind just won't Stop.

When Will I get Rest from This?

This thinking Ticks like A Clock.

I've taught myself to Remember, but at the Same time to Forget.

I Remember all the Things to cause my Blood to Spill, but Forget about All The Good things God did.

I Grab the Closest Blade- No Matter what it is.

And as I begin to Tare, to Slice, I feel no relief and All I See is Blood.

There is no Pain, Nothing Triggers in my mind.

Just The Response of how Can you Do This?

The Others, They're not Blind.

As the Cuts begin to Burn and I begin to Breath, I realize it did Nothing... how did It not Help me?

It is This Moment I will Always Remember... This Moment When These Cuts are just Cuts and this Blood is Only Blood.

When I Realize that it is Not My Blood but His that can trigger my mind.

When will I Learn to Accept His when I want to accept Mine?

This Journey I will Embark on, This Risk I will Take.

If I don't Accept The Blood of Christ it will only be My Mistake.

So as I say I am Sorry for What I have Done, I Accept His Blood and This time I Choose Not To Run.

I know Now that To Bleed is To Bleed, but to Choose Christ is to Be Forgiven.

And To Be Forgiven is to have A Second Chance.

I Won't Forget my Savior and I won't Forget His Son.

For to Bleed is to Bleed but To Choose Christ is to Have Won.

It's Been Too Long

2009-09-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

One Day Soon I Will Come Face To Face With Jesus... What Will He Say About The Way I Lived My Life On Earth?

I'm afraid to put that question up because I don't Know how to answer it.

Lately Jesus has seemed so far from me. It's Leaving me feeling hopeless.

And it's hard because All I have is my husband and it's not like he's not enough

it's just sometimes I wish I had a Girl To talk to.

I know this is just my ramblings... but It seems that writing is the only way

I can get it all out.

And Now that I want to I don't Have Words To Describe it.

It's Like

Being Stranded In a Desert with no Water or Food.

...

There is A Song That Reminds Me Of How Life Has Been Lately...

here Are The Lyrics--

DESERT SONG by Hillsong United

This is My Prayer In the Desert

When All That's Within Me Feels Dry.

This is My Prayer In the Hunger and Need,

My God Is A God Who Provides.

And This is My Prayer In the Fire

In Weakness Or Trial Or Pain.

There is A Faith Proved

Of More Worth Than Gold.

So Refine, Lord Through The Flames.

And I Will Bring Praise

I Will Bring Praise.

No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Remain.

I Will Rejoice, I Will Declare

God Is My Victory and He Is Here.

And This is My Prayer in The Battle

When Triumph Is Still On Its Way.

I Am A Conquerer And Co-Heir With Christ

So Firm on his Promise I'll Stand.

I Will Bring Praise, I Will Bring Praise

No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Remain.

I will Rejoice, I Will Declare

God is My Victory and He Is Here.

All Of My Life, In Every Season

You Are Still God, I Have A Reason To SIng

I Have A Reason To Worship.

This is My Prayer In The Harvest

When Favor and Providence Flow.

I Know I'm Filled To Be Emptied Again

This Seed I've Received I will Sow.

Though I Suffer, He Is Good, HE IS GOD.

WELCOME HOME COLUMBIA TEAM<3

2009-07-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

We Missed You!!!!!!!

Sometimes....

2009-07-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

I Wish I Was Different.

I Wish That All Those Things That Caused Me

To Be The Way I Am Today Would Change

And Cause Me To Be Someone Else.

I Wish That People Wanted To Know Me.

But They Don't.

I Wish People Took The Time To Understand...

But They Don't

Again Today... One Last Time.

2009-07-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

Mark, Jessie, and Krista<3

Today was definitely a busy day. But It was Fun<3

-Runs to 7-11

-Walks down Streets

-Picture Fun

Beautiful Day<3

"During a Severe Testing by Affliction, Their Abundance of Joy and Their Deep Poverty Overflowed into the Wealth of their Generosity." 2 Corinthians 8:2

First Blog. Honesty.

2009-07-27T12:08:00.000-07:00

It' s Actually been pretty hard these last few days

and God has Defiantly been hitting me in the face.

Last Monday I decided to finally go in to the

E.R after having been up all night and in

very serious pain since the Saturday

before. So anyways, I go in and

I honestly just thought I probably

had some sort of bladder infection

and they do a cat-scan and then about an

hour later A doctor comes in and takes

a seat in the chair that is next to my bed

and he tells me that I have 7 kidney stones

and a kidney infection. Three stones are in my

left kidney and there are three in my right

and the seventh stone I am passing right now

which has blocked something and caused the

kidney infection... I just got married..

and I have no insurance. Luckily, because I haven't

changed my name yet I am still covered under my

parent's insurance. But the hard part about this whole thing

was that I was stuck in the hospital for a whopping four

days. And I am so blessed because Mark Literally

stayed with me the whole time, Thank you Jesus.

But I am home now and as it turns out the infection

is gone and the Doctor said it could be years

before the rest of my kidney stones come out...

The downer? All this will happen all Over agian..

Yay. So, My faith has been really trying hard to

hang in there but I know God is With Me. I know it

because even though I was sick I was taken care of

and even though it was hard because Mark and I

just got married God willed us to Fight. Jesus is

so unexplainably Incredible. And We are officially

getting our own apartment with Bethanie Holdorf. P.s

I Love her. And We Are packing right this second.

So I'm Done with My Babblings.

Just Like the Thought of having one of

these.

Praise God.

"As You Go, Preach This Message" The Kingdom of Heaven is Near. Heal the Sick, Raise the Dead, Cleanse Those who Have Leprosy, Drive out Demons, Freely You have Received, Freely Give." Matthew 10: 7-8