So These last few weeks have been filled with struggle and joy.
1. I got into a car accident.
2. We had to use the school money to buy a new car
BUT
1. There are so many others who have it worse than I do
and I am blessed to be where I am, with the people I have.
2. Adam and Katie went to Rwanda to bring home
their Beautiful, wonderful baby boys.
I am realizing my love for children.
I can't put this into words right now..
and I don't think it is the right time.
And I have recently discovered that
I am so sick of sitting here
waiting for life to just happen.
I'm going to make it happen.
Now, I am only waiting on the Lord.
Lastly... I wrote this
on November 23, 2009
I Wake up from a Night of Restlessness, my Mind just won't Stop.
When Will I get Rest from This?
This thinking Ticks like A Clock.
I've taught myself to Remember, but at the Same time to Forget.
I Remember all the Things to cause my Blood to Spill, but Forget about All The Good things God did.
I Grab the Closest Blade- No Matter what it is.
And as I begin to Tare, to Slice, I feel no relief and All I See is Blood.
There is no Pain, Nothing Triggers in my mind.
Just The Response of how Can you Do This?
The Others, They're not Blind.
As the Cuts begin to Burn and I begin to Breath, I realize it did Nothing... how did It not Help me?
It is This Moment I will Always Remember... This Moment When These Cuts are just Cuts and this Blood is Only Blood.
When I Realize that it is Not My Blood but His that can trigger my mind.
When will I Learn to Accept His when I want to accept Mine?
This Journey I will Embark on, This Risk I will Take.
If I don't Accept The Blood of Christ it will only be My Mistake.
So as I say I am Sorry for What I have Done, I Accept His Blood and This time I Choose Not To Run.
I know Now that To Bleed is To Bleed, but to Choose Christ is to Be Forgiven.
And To Be Forgiven is to have A Second Chance.
I Won't Forget my Savior and I won't Forget His Son.
For to Bleed is to Bleed but To Choose Christ is to Have Won.
