Today.

Today Was Very Uneventful.

Sometimes I Just Need A Day To Sit with My Family and Laugh.

Although the only People I Am laughing with are David and Danielle.

it's Still Family.

I Have Begun to Search for Places Where I can somehow help

children/babies in need.

Mostly I have found orphanages which would be awesome!

The first Orphanage I went to Thailand and it was an AIDS orphanage..

I wish we had gotten to stay longer because those babies touched my heart

like no other.

To Be Honest, I never wanted to leave.

The workers were showing mark and i rooms

that they wanted us to stay in.

I Wish i knew where and what it was called... i would go back

in a second.

I Remember meeting one little girl in particular names

Bow. She was beautiful and for some reason We bonded

automatically. I Wish i could have taken her home.

I get sad when I think about it because I wonder

if she's still here...

Well That's where my Heart is right now.

I Would get up and leave everything if God

told me he wanted me in an orphanage

in some third world country.

But For right now I just have to keep praying and seeking.

On Tuesday Muscle Mike told me that God speaks through

multiple ways but it takes us actually listening.

We can say we're waiting on the Lord all we want

but if we only wait a minute for His answer then

we're really getting no where.

All I know is God told me to "Go"

and I don't know where that is but

I know this incredible need and want I have to

take care of these children is not from me.

I Will give up everything to help them.

No Matter the cost.

So God Here I am.

Speak, For Your Child is Listening.

"I Will Not Leave You as Orphans, I Will Come To You." John 14:18

To Bleed is To Bleed

So These last few weeks have been filled with struggle and joy.

1. I got into a car accident.

2. We had to use the school money to buy a new car

BUT

1. There are so many others who have it worse than I do

and I am blessed to be where I am, with the people I have.

2. Adam and Katie went to Rwanda to bring home

their Beautiful, wonderful baby boys.

I am realizing my love for children.

I can't put this into words right now..

and I don't think it is the right time.

And I have recently discovered that

I am so sick of sitting here

waiting for life to just happen.

I'm going to make it happen.

Now, I am only waiting on the Lord.

Lastly... I wrote this

on November 23, 2009

I Wake up from a Night of Restlessness, my Mind just won't Stop.

When Will I get Rest from This?

This thinking Ticks like A Clock.

I've taught myself to Remember, but at the Same time to Forget.

I Remember all the Things to cause my Blood to Spill, but Forget about All The Good things God did.

I Grab the Closest Blade- No Matter what it is.

And as I begin to Tare, to Slice, I feel no relief and All I See is Blood.

There is no Pain, Nothing Triggers in my mind.

Just The Response of how Can you Do This?

The Others, They're not Blind.

As the Cuts begin to Burn and I begin to Breath, I realize it did Nothing... how did It not Help me?

It is This Moment I will Always Remember... This Moment When These Cuts are just Cuts and this Blood is Only Blood.

When I Realize that it is Not My Blood but His that can trigger my mind.

When will I Learn to Accept His when I want to accept Mine?

This Journey I will Embark on, This Risk I will Take.

If I don't Accept The Blood of Christ it will only be My Mistake.

So as I say I am Sorry for What I have Done, I Accept His Blood and This time I Choose Not To Run.

I know Now that To Bleed is To Bleed, but to Choose Christ is to Be Forgiven.

And To Be Forgiven is to have A Second Chance.

I Won't Forget my Savior and I won't Forget His Son.

For to Bleed is to Bleed but To Choose Christ is to Have Won.