If it Means A Lot To you.

Hey Darling,

I Hope Your Good Tonight.

and I know you Don't Feel Right When I'm Leaving.

Yeah I want it, but No I don't Need it.

Tell Me Something Sweet To Get me By...

Cause I can't Come back Home Till They're Singing La, La,La, La, La,La,La.

Till Everyone is Singing.

If You Can Wait Till I Get Home.

Then I Swear to You That We can Make this Last La, La.

If You Can Wait till I get Home.

Then I'll Swear Come Tomorrow This will All be In Our Past.

Well It might be For The best.

And Hey Sweetie,

Well I Need You Here Tonight.

And I know that You don't Wanna be Leaving Me.

Yeah, You Want it, but I Can't Help it.

I just Feel Complete When your By my Side.

But I know You Can't Come Home Till They're singing La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Till Everyone Is Singing la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

If You Can Wait till I get home.

Then I swear to You That We Can Make this Last...la, la.

If You can Wait till I get Home.

Then I Swear Come Tomorrow This will All Be in Our Past.

Well It might be for The Best.

You Know You Can't Give Me What I need.

And Even Though You Mean So Much To Me, I can't Wait through Everything.

Is this Really Happening?

I Swear I'll Never Be Happy Again.

She Tells Me We can Just be Friends.

I'm Not Some Boy That you Can sway.

We Knew it'd Happen Eventually.

La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

Everybody's singing.

It sucks when all of a sudden you hit a brick wall.

and Your Past just Comes and Latches itself onto you

Like You Never Got over it In The First Place.

And There are new tears and new regrets with old faces

and old situations.

When in reality They are All the Same tears and Same regrets

You thought You Let go Already.

One Song. One Face. One Thing.

And You have back tracked years and you

are on your knees and it still hurts.

But the Only new thing is... is that you have to Find a

new Way to Deal with It.

Because before you Dealt with Blood and Now You have To

Find out exactly Where it can Lead you To Now and

Who can You Turn to Now?

The Same Responses, the same throw away answers

that leave you with "I'll pray for you".

Pray With Me.

Help Me.

This is a bad time and place to be dealing with old issues.

I know.

But Who knew after Years of Forgiveness You can Snatch

all that back and Run millions of miles away before

you even Realized you did so?

I didn't but I did exactly that.

This needs to end here and now.

I Love The Rain.. but I Hate Thunder.

Let Me Tell you Why::

I lived in Kentucky from the time I was an infant

until I was 8ish.

In Kentucky they have frequent tornadoes.

As soon as a storm started I would run into our basement

and grab every animal and continue to beg my family

to follow me into safety while I cried like a baby.

I was always afraid of them even before I seen the

movie Twister. Which only caused my fear to grow.

If You've ever seen it you'll most likely remember the scene

where all the people are at the drive through and a tornado comes.

This exact scene happened to me when I was 7ish. My parents loved to take us to

the drive through, and when The Titanic came out don't think it

changed. Were at the end of the movie where the boat starts to finally sink and all

these poor people are dying and all of a sudden you hear

the sirens and the people at the drive through are over the

radio telling everyone they need to leave ASAP because a tornado

is headed out way. As soon as I heard that I start rushing my family to get into the car

and to drive in the opposite direction of this thing. I'm crying and my dad

is saying oh stop we're ganna be fine and finally we leave and I cry all the way home.

Believe it or not to this day when I hear thunder my heart starts beating super fast

and my breathing speeds up and I pretty much almost become a child agian.

On Monday while it stormed I was at parents house and my 4 year old sister Krista

says she'll keep me safe and she cuddles up next to me with a blanket.

I felt pretty Foolish.

I wonder what this baby that's growing inside of me thinks when my heart

races and I am having a hard time breathing. He/She probably thinks

they Have a Crazy Momma.

Just felt like sharing this with you, for no particular reason.

Grace::By Phil Wickham

The Sky is Gray and The Light is Far,

The Sea is A Rage Within My Heart.

I Turn My Sight To the Crashing Waves.

I Cry in the Night Just To Be Saved.

I Need Eyes To Be My Guide.

I Need A Voice that's Louder than Mine.

I Need Hope, I Need You.

Cause I can't Do this Alone.

Grace I call Your Name,

Oh Won't Your Smile Fall Down on Me.

I'm Cracked and Dry on Hands and Knees,

Oh Sweet Grace Rain Down on Me.

I Need Your Grace.

I Pray For Dawn A New Day To Live.

I Pray for Mercy Only Jesus Gives.

Though Darkness Falls and a Million Cry,

I Believe Overall There's A Greater Light

Shining For Us.

I've Never Been Good At Keep One of These...

Alright, So Here's What's New::

As of This Moment

I am 12Weeks4Days Pregnant.

I am puking, sore, peeing every hour

and am continually getting headaches.

-As soon as I found out I scheduled an appointment

for when I was almost 6 weeks and the day I went in

I found out that I couldn't even be seen because the

government put an end to my insurance.

-Then I sent them a blood test saying I was pregnant

and they gave me full coverage.

-So at 7 Weeks I finally got into the doctors

where they took a lot of blood and checked

my legs and ankles for swelling.

and giving my insurance decided to have the baby

at Wyandotte Hospital and to have a ob appointment

with a doctor from there.

The day of that appointment my doctor's office

calls me and tells me the government has changed my

type of insurance again and I have to go to a different

hospital (South Shore Hospital) and a different ob.

-The new ob cannot get me in until May 26th.

AWESOME.

By Then I'll be 13Weeks3Days pregnant and it will be

the last week of my first trimester.

Not exactly how I wanted to spend the

first 3 weeks of pregnancy.

So I think I have gotten like 5 books on pregnancy

so I can simply get my questions answered.

Pheewwww.

Run.

I Just Don't Know.

My Mind is Everywhere.

I Always find myself Running Away.

From Everything...

Problems, People, Hope, God.

And it always leaves me....

Here.

I Just want to help people.

that's it.

To Help.

I Just Want To Help Myself..

But everyone Always throws me around.

it seems impossible.

No one takes the time.

I don't take the time.

To be honest.

Would you take the time?

Probably.

because you're a "good" person right.

B.S

just saying.

I am so ready to move to Indiana.

God, Orphans, Love.

As Many of you already know I have been e-mailing back and forth with a man and his wife who run an orphanage in Thailand. Mark and I are so excited for what God is going to do in us. Since We have been talking about it many of our friends have come up to us and want to join us. I am telling them to pray about because this is something you have to be ready for and something that you have to be risking it all for and willing to do all that God wants. I have recently discovered that I no longer care about the trials I am being put through or how much I am being attacked by satan because this only means that I am Following God and I will continue to do so for all of eternity. His Love is Better than Life. Than Life in all it's Joys and in life in all it's Pain. God is

to Mold into the person he needs and wants me to be to do his will for my life. And I am continuously seeking after Him to Hear Him and to Feel Him and See Him. It is so awesome to see God not Just working in Mark and Mine's Life but also In the Lives That Surround us. We are Truly Blessed by Our Maker to Be simply breathing We Are Tremendously Blessed Because we have a home, a family, and a Heart for Those who Don't.

So Here are a few videos that are So awesome..

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Isaiah's Story

Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.

Today.

Today Was Very Uneventful.

Sometimes I Just Need A Day To Sit with My Family and Laugh.

Although the only People I Am laughing with are David and Danielle.

it's Still Family.

I Have Begun to Search for Places Where I can somehow help

children/babies in need.

Mostly I have found orphanages which would be awesome!

The first Orphanage I went to Thailand and it was an AIDS orphanage..

I wish we had gotten to stay longer because those babies touched my heart

like no other.

To Be Honest, I never wanted to leave.

The workers were showing mark and i rooms

that they wanted us to stay in.

I Wish i knew where and what it was called... i would go back

in a second.

I Remember meeting one little girl in particular names

Bow. She was beautiful and for some reason We bonded

automatically. I Wish i could have taken her home.

I get sad when I think about it because I wonder

if she's still here...

Well That's where my Heart is right now.

I Would get up and leave everything if God

told me he wanted me in an orphanage

in some third world country.

But For right now I just have to keep praying and seeking.

On Tuesday Muscle Mike told me that God speaks through

multiple ways but it takes us actually listening.

We can say we're waiting on the Lord all we want

but if we only wait a minute for His answer then

we're really getting no where.

All I know is God told me to "Go"

and I don't know where that is but

I know this incredible need and want I have to

take care of these children is not from me.

I Will give up everything to help them.

No Matter the cost.

So God Here I am.

Speak, For Your Child is Listening.

"I Will Not Leave You as Orphans, I Will Come To You." John 14:18